Settle for nothing

I havent felt this pitiful in quite some time. Therapy is on monday.

I can almost guess she is going to want to put me back on medications, which I so SO SO do not want to go back to.

But this is really starting to cripple me. Today has been the worst so far. My head just feels all sorts of funky, like a hazyness.

I was telling my husband and some folks on another message board yesterday that I dont even want to bother going back to the gym, sign up for other races or do anything. So I know there is something wrong here.

I know I have to go to the gym, but right now, try as I might i cant even wrap my brain around it.

This nonstop rain isnt helping me either (yes i know its seattle, but there is usually a dry day here or there), but what would I know about dry, i only leave the house to go to the grocery store, otherwise I dont even want to go out.

gah. I just dont know what to do anymore, and the worst thing is I dont even know what I want to do. I keep looking at things as though they were pointless, like its pointless for me to go to the gym, cause I went to the gym all last year and i'm even fatter than I was last year. My twisted logic is interfering with reality.

Its like i can barely keep my eyes open, and i slept pretty decent last night.

I just want to feel better again. I was doing so good towards the end of last year. Today, is just crawl in bed and be miserable.