Sleep to Dream
My last night to sleep to dream in this house. More than likely I will be sleeping in my new apartment tomorrow.
How am I spending my last night in my home that we created? I'm drinking alone. I'm playing mahjong. I'm hitting f5 countless times on various pages. I'm wasting time... time that could be better used. Time that is slipping thru my fingers like fine sand. Nectar in a sieve.
Its at some point during the night the pain overtakes all of my efforts to drown it. Kill it, suffocate it. For if the pain cant breath it cant live inside me. But perhaps I'm doing myself a disservice. Perhaps the pain needs to get out.
Perhaps I'll wake up with my eyes sealed shut.
My last night here and a comment that I shouldnt be sentimental. Sorry, thats not going to happen. I'm still a girl.
My drink is empty and I'm heading to bed to cry some more. I'm just so scared.
Lydia is coming to help me pack up more stuff tomorrow.
Did I mention i'm scared. I just feel so lost. So alone with no one to run to in the middle of the night when my dreams turn to nightmares.. oh thats right its already a nightmare. Who do people run to when they are alone? Who holds them when they dream dreams that only exist in thier minds.
Its almost 1am. And in some fit of desperation, I'm still awake, even though my eyes are heavy with tears and sleep. Cause I know when I wake up tomorrow will start and when tomorrow comes I wont live here anymore. Fine, call me senimental. I dont care. But it was in this house that I finally realized who I am, what I am and what I can do. And my time is over. I dont want it to be over. I want to stay and bitch about the paint peeling deck, the annoying blinking rave like light in the freezer, and the musician next door that has never learned a new song.
How am I spending my last night in my home that we created? I'm drinking alone. I'm playing mahjong. I'm hitting f5 countless times on various pages. I'm wasting time... time that could be better used. Time that is slipping thru my fingers like fine sand. Nectar in a sieve.
Its at some point during the night the pain overtakes all of my efforts to drown it. Kill it, suffocate it. For if the pain cant breath it cant live inside me. But perhaps I'm doing myself a disservice. Perhaps the pain needs to get out.
Perhaps I'll wake up with my eyes sealed shut.
My last night here and a comment that I shouldnt be sentimental. Sorry, thats not going to happen. I'm still a girl.
My drink is empty and I'm heading to bed to cry some more. I'm just so scared.
Lydia is coming to help me pack up more stuff tomorrow.
Did I mention i'm scared. I just feel so lost. So alone with no one to run to in the middle of the night when my dreams turn to nightmares.. oh thats right its already a nightmare. Who do people run to when they are alone? Who holds them when they dream dreams that only exist in thier minds.
Its almost 1am. And in some fit of desperation, I'm still awake, even though my eyes are heavy with tears and sleep. Cause I know when I wake up tomorrow will start and when tomorrow comes I wont live here anymore. Fine, call me senimental. I dont care. But it was in this house that I finally realized who I am, what I am and what I can do. And my time is over. I dont want it to be over. I want to stay and bitch about the paint peeling deck, the annoying blinking rave like light in the freezer, and the musician next door that has never learned a new song.
posted by B at 12:46 AM
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