Tomorrow is today

Months ago, i predicted all of this. Months ago I said that my lack of interest in sex, my constant depression was going to ruin my marriage. I was powerless to stop it at the time. But I knew then that if the marriage failed, it was because of the stuff I couldnt do.

Do I think its all my fault. No. I dont dont. Do I think we both have faults in this situation. Yes. But I know a long time ago, that this was going to happen. I didnt want it to happen. Hell does anyone ever want thier marriages to fail?

But the fact that I couldnt do anything to stop it. But.. perhaps thats wrong. I was doing something to stop it. I was going to therapy, I was healing myself. I just didnt do it fast enough. If only the mind works faster.

But here it is.. today. I'm dressed for work. I'm still a happy person. I'm lonley but happy. And when I had on my work clothes and looked at myself in the mirror. I liked what I saw. I feel good. But gotta run.. my 12-9 shift starts soon!

But... still I miss his company. I miss everything about the love and the marriage.
And to think, if this wasnt the situation, he would have everything he wanted and then some. I am finally who I want to be, but still growing and still learning about myself.

really gotta run now.