Haunted

So yesterday in a slow period at work I was thinking about me putting up that "ad" up on that dorky not really a dating site. I thought about the reasoning behind it.
Did I really want to find someone on their?
Did I really want to prove to myself that another person would find me intersting and attractive?
Or did I just want to I guess get even, as he's got something that I don't have now. And who knows if he has multiple somethings that I don't have.

And I figured out that It was just a combination of those last two.
My new work schedule has made it self very non friend friendly or even meeting people friendly. Maybe I did that on purpose too. To just focus on being by myself again.

So far I'm not liking it. I spent so many years living by myself and I dont just mean when I didnt live with Glenn either. I mean the past few years when my depression reached its peak, I was living alone, inside my own skull. There was really no one else with me then. Here I am now. Purposly asking for a schedule so I can be alone.

I'll get out of work at 9pm tonight. I will come home. Fix my dinner, maybe have a drink, be asleep by midnight and tomorrow I will do it all over again. Alone, work, alone.

Time to get ready for another work day. And pretending that my life is all puppies and rainbows to the guests of our spa.