Parade
Got home around 3am last night. Watched a movie with glenn, the movie Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless mind. And we got to talking, how it would just be easier for them to erase glenn from me so I didnt have to go on feeling like this.
Which got us to talking about everything else all over again. Same conversation, but different. Same tears, same pain however.
That never changes. the pain never feels any different.
So i pop a traz cause after that kind of conversation and hearing more about his friend with benefits, I knew sleep wouldnt happen without it.
Around 4:30 this morning a nightmare of me being trapped in a dark room (much like my bedroom was at the time) had my heart racing and my stomach in knots. I jump out of bed and I look around for any sort of light to head to, I stumble to the only light i see and nearly knock a picture off the wall. It was then I "woke up". But now my stomach is still churning at a high rate of speed and my back is getting that cold sweat feeling...I rush to the bathroom. I felt like hell for a good while, and at times took solace laying on my bathmat. I never "got sick" but it took a good while to calm back down.
I was asleep again by 5 and up at 8:30, eyes still a bit puffy from the tears.
He keeps telling me to find a friend like he has. But from what I'm noticing, unless your perfect and height weight proportionate, there is no man out there that would want to be my friend (like his friend). Besides my friendship would be without benefits, cept maybe some discounted products from my store.
Friends with benefits. Blah.
Still its funny, I love having these conversations with him. No matter the pain, no matter the tears, the puffy eyes, any of it. I just love being able to say how I feel. I know he reads my blog, cause we've talked about stuff that I have written. Stuff that may have been to difficult for me to just come out and say. And the time during the movie was also quite nice. I also love hearing his words, even if they are words and thoughts that make my pain more worse. At least we are finally getting the pain out.
Its 10am, I better start getting ready for work. And try not to think about it, which is next to impossible.
Which got us to talking about everything else all over again. Same conversation, but different. Same tears, same pain however.
That never changes. the pain never feels any different.
So i pop a traz cause after that kind of conversation and hearing more about his friend with benefits, I knew sleep wouldnt happen without it.
Around 4:30 this morning a nightmare of me being trapped in a dark room (much like my bedroom was at the time) had my heart racing and my stomach in knots. I jump out of bed and I look around for any sort of light to head to, I stumble to the only light i see and nearly knock a picture off the wall. It was then I "woke up". But now my stomach is still churning at a high rate of speed and my back is getting that cold sweat feeling...I rush to the bathroom. I felt like hell for a good while, and at times took solace laying on my bathmat. I never "got sick" but it took a good while to calm back down.
I was asleep again by 5 and up at 8:30, eyes still a bit puffy from the tears.
He keeps telling me to find a friend like he has. But from what I'm noticing, unless your perfect and height weight proportionate, there is no man out there that would want to be my friend (like his friend). Besides my friendship would be without benefits, cept maybe some discounted products from my store.
Friends with benefits. Blah.
Still its funny, I love having these conversations with him. No matter the pain, no matter the tears, the puffy eyes, any of it. I just love being able to say how I feel. I know he reads my blog, cause we've talked about stuff that I have written. Stuff that may have been to difficult for me to just come out and say. And the time during the movie was also quite nice. I also love hearing his words, even if they are words and thoughts that make my pain more worse. At least we are finally getting the pain out.
Its 10am, I better start getting ready for work. And try not to think about it, which is next to impossible.
posted by B at 9:21 AM
1 Comments:
Ok. Take this however you want, darlin, but I hope that you can hear that it's outta my love for you.
I'm am getting PISSED OFF at Glenn on your behalf and maybe it's not really my place to, but I am.
He is doing injury to you with this other woman, and everytime the two of you talk about her, that he tells you about her he is doing you hurt and it's hard for me to believe that it isn't at least subconciously on purpose. "You put me through a hard time now I put you through a hard time..." You know? Maybe I'm totally off base here...
Tell me to shut the fuck up, honey, and I'll take it, no problem.
You say Glenn reads this? Then my message to Glenn:
"PUT YOUR DICK AWAY OR SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT IT! You are hurting this lovely woman and it is NOT OK!"
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