Thick
I was just reading on another message board about a similar situation to mine. The guy left after 2 years of not getting frequent sex. Glenn stayed with me for 5. He should of quit me years ago and I know that now. I wasnt good to him in that department and in all honesty he had every right to do what he did. He ran out of patience and its understandable. He was so supportive of me and me getting better. And I ruined it all for the both of us. I can never make back up all the years of intimacy that we both lost.
Just know I wanted to. I didnt want him to hurt. I didnt want him to suffer because of my "disease" "affliction" whatever you want to assign depression to. Its killing me inside for what I put him through for that long.
He had to beg me for it, after weeks of not getting anything. And I begrudginly let him have sex with me. Oh my gosh the pain I'm in right now. To know that he should of left years ago. I wanted to, I wanted to and couldnt .. I feel horrible.. I hurt him so much and I had no control of it. I feel so horrible for what I put him through. 5 years of wanting to love me and not being able to. But he stuck it out for that long in the hopes I would get better. So patient. I thank him so much for being so supportive and patient and I hope he knows just what he means to me. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I wish there were other words besides sorry, my heart is aching with the pain that is now mine which was once yours. I pushed him away and I couldnt control it. I couldnt even fake it. He would know. I know cause i tried a few times he knew,he knew when I was faking it just to appease him.
I pushed him into her arms. And if there was a way I could undo it I would. But whats done is done. And I hope that in his heart he can forgive me and maybe sometime when the pain of the past 5 years that i put him through subsides that he can see that I still love and want him.
I never wanted to hurt him, it was my biggest fear and I was doing it and didnt even know how much it was hurting him and he never told me. Or maybe he did and I just took it as him being.. i dont know. He just wanted to love the woman he married and I couldnt. And i feel so awful. He should of left me years ago.
My worst fear was always losing him and hurting him and I didnt even know what I had done and couldnt stop it.
So I think I will just sit and cry for a bit now. He just wanted to love me and I told him no. I loved him I just couldnt "love" him and that make me sad.
I'm sorry. I never meant to do this. You know I didnt want to. You know what was in my heart. I cant think straight.
Just know I wanted to. I didnt want him to hurt. I didnt want him to suffer because of my "disease" "affliction" whatever you want to assign depression to. Its killing me inside for what I put him through for that long.
He had to beg me for it, after weeks of not getting anything. And I begrudginly let him have sex with me. Oh my gosh the pain I'm in right now. To know that he should of left years ago. I wanted to, I wanted to and couldnt .. I feel horrible.. I hurt him so much and I had no control of it. I feel so horrible for what I put him through. 5 years of wanting to love me and not being able to. But he stuck it out for that long in the hopes I would get better. So patient. I thank him so much for being so supportive and patient and I hope he knows just what he means to me. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I wish there were other words besides sorry, my heart is aching with the pain that is now mine which was once yours. I pushed him away and I couldnt control it. I couldnt even fake it. He would know. I know cause i tried a few times he knew,he knew when I was faking it just to appease him.
I pushed him into her arms. And if there was a way I could undo it I would. But whats done is done. And I hope that in his heart he can forgive me and maybe sometime when the pain of the past 5 years that i put him through subsides that he can see that I still love and want him.
I never wanted to hurt him, it was my biggest fear and I was doing it and didnt even know how much it was hurting him and he never told me. Or maybe he did and I just took it as him being.. i dont know. He just wanted to love the woman he married and I couldnt. And i feel so awful. He should of left me years ago.
My worst fear was always losing him and hurting him and I didnt even know what I had done and couldnt stop it.
So I think I will just sit and cry for a bit now. He just wanted to love me and I told him no. I loved him I just couldnt "love" him and that make me sad.
I'm sorry. I never meant to do this. You know I didnt want to. You know what was in my heart. I cant think straight.
posted by B at 5:41 PM
1 Comments:
Also, you know what? He didn't get as much as he wanted.
Big fucking deal. Many many many people in this world don't get as much as they want. It's not **suffering** - it's discomfort maybe and the need to jerk off to a little more porn. I know it's different for men and women but even with that in mind...
If he's giving you the idea, in any way, that his blue balls and your depression are even close to being on the same page of suffering then he's really really off base and really does need to put a sock in it.
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