What the Hell Have I

It's hard to start things over
Oh yeah
You can feel the fire around us
All the time
Yeah

So.. where am I.Its been a month since I've moved in here.

I'm in love with a man, who doesnt love me.
He has a "Friend with benefits".
I've lost approx 8 pounds in the past month.
Work is ok
I have a few coworkers that I would consider friends.
And after years of fighting with my inner demons on learning how to love someone the way they love me, I have to now fall out of love.

Do i still love him, after everything. Yes I do. Will I ever stop loving him. Doubtful. Very very doubtful.

I posted a craigslist ad last night out of sheer frustration. I got well over 80 replys. Some were odd, some were old, some were waaaay to young and some were offensive. There was a couple that I will reply to, I just dont think I have it in me to reply to the 80 and growing emails that are taking over one of my email accounts.

Still I look at thier descriptions of themselves, look at thier pictures and I wonder, can I love them as much as I love Glenn. And in my heart that answer is no. Its to soon. They just dont have what he has, and thats my heart in his hands, which he has crushed to a bloody pulp currently. I remember early in my life I said to myself your only getting married once.. and when I met Glenn the first time I knew it was him I wanted to spend my life with. I just knew it, with every part of me. I can still picture him on our first date even. As a child of divorce, I never wanted to go through it again. Even if I'm the adult in situation this time. It was a divorce that got me into my depression and it took a stable marriage and love to get me out of it.

So where am I. I dont know. I'm just a woman in love with a man that doesnt love me.
How do I fall out of love, when I just spent years learning how to?