Safety Dance
All day today i was thinking about the temporary hiatus of my marriage. And for quite a while I kept thinkging. Its all my fault my marriage failed. All day long I kept having that thought haunt me. Its my fault its my fault. I had someone good, I had something wonderful and good and I fucked it up cause of my depression and I didint get help fast enough..
Then as I walked home I was like I didnt cause this depression, my parents did So yes I know I shouldof gotten help earlier,and it probably would of saved my marriage and my only chance at happy ness. BUt, my life is fcked up and my parents are one of the sole reasons why I wound up feeling the way I did about myself.
So now I have to think about my husband in the past tense, my marriage in the past.
Cause in a weird and twisted email I got earlier today . WaS this whole email about not trying to get back with ytour "ex" in any sort of way. cause it wont work. cause they are on another emotional place.
ya know.. I'm to fucked up to continue this. I miss and love my husband desperatly. BUt I know he is trying to find his way wth someone else. and I've got to accept thawt I"m not anythign but someones reject.
Then as I walked home I was like I didnt cause this depression, my parents did So yes I know I shouldof gotten help earlier,and it probably would of saved my marriage and my only chance at happy ness. BUt, my life is fcked up and my parents are one of the sole reasons why I wound up feeling the way I did about myself.
So now I have to think about my husband in the past tense, my marriage in the past.
Cause in a weird and twisted email I got earlier today . WaS this whole email about not trying to get back with ytour "ex" in any sort of way. cause it wont work. cause they are on another emotional place.
ya know.. I'm to fucked up to continue this. I miss and love my husband desperatly. BUt I know he is trying to find his way wth someone else. and I've got to accept thawt I"m not anythign but someones reject.
posted by B at 12:40 AM
1 Comments:
You stop that right now.
You are NOT someone's reject.
You did NOT singlehandedly cause this marriage to fail.
I know what this feels like. I've thought the very same thing about myself. If only I'd done this or that...If only I wasn't crazy or depressed... I've done it to myself for years, shit I still do it.
You have to somehow tell that little voice in your head to shut up. I know it's hard. And I don't always know how; that's why I still end up listening to that voice berate me still, even now, evern last night, even out with someone else.
But it's not true. And I tell you, if you keep listening to that voice you're just gonna get depressed again.
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