The Dreaming Tree
Today I had to lie. I hate it.It eats at me.
I told a lie today.
An old old old coworker came into the store today, "so hows your husband". I cant exactly say, Oh he's great cause he is fucking someone else now, infact he is fabulous cause he fucked her last night. I just said everything was fine and we went on our separate ways.
it was hard for me to lie but it was the easiest road. Its killing me inside. I wanted to tell her every thing. But it wasnt the time or place.
I hate lying. its like a cancer inside me.
I didnt know what to say. Oh yes we are still living in ballard. which is true.
Work was ok today. Wentout to a couple bars with some of the girls.
I miss my husband a lot tonight. Somenights, I dont and somenights I do. Tongiht is a miss him night. I dont know why some days I miss him more. I sent him an email this evening with no response. He must have company or something. Maybe he's playing scrabble.
I keep one of our wedding pictures on my desk. Just to look at. Some days I look at it alot. Somedays not at all. Time for bed.. alone again.
edited to add: today i was called both skinny and an great writer. Two things that made me feel good about myself today.
edited to add.2: i read on his blog today that he finally got some sleep and rest and that he finally feels what its like to be rested. Maybe he finally knows what MY life was like and is like. To live every week, ever day being short on sleep. To have insomnia as your best friend. Maybe he understands now what I was going through on trying to be all that i could for myself and for him on a daily basis with little or no sleep. Its just funny. Now the shoe is on the other foot. Its odd to see him deal with insomnia. When its been a lifetime battle for me. I'm happy thats he's gotten some rest. I'm happy that he is able to interact and live. I really am happy that he's sleeping again. I just wish the same happiness and sleep for me. I want to feel rested too.
I told a lie today.
An old old old coworker came into the store today, "so hows your husband". I cant exactly say, Oh he's great cause he is fucking someone else now, infact he is fabulous cause he fucked her last night. I just said everything was fine and we went on our separate ways.
it was hard for me to lie but it was the easiest road. Its killing me inside. I wanted to tell her every thing. But it wasnt the time or place.
I hate lying. its like a cancer inside me.
I didnt know what to say. Oh yes we are still living in ballard. which is true.
Work was ok today. Wentout to a couple bars with some of the girls.
I miss my husband a lot tonight. Somenights, I dont and somenights I do. Tongiht is a miss him night. I dont know why some days I miss him more. I sent him an email this evening with no response. He must have company or something. Maybe he's playing scrabble.
I keep one of our wedding pictures on my desk. Just to look at. Some days I look at it alot. Somedays not at all. Time for bed.. alone again.
edited to add: today i was called both skinny and an great writer. Two things that made me feel good about myself today.
edited to add.2: i read on his blog today that he finally got some sleep and rest and that he finally feels what its like to be rested. Maybe he finally knows what MY life was like and is like. To live every week, ever day being short on sleep. To have insomnia as your best friend. Maybe he understands now what I was going through on trying to be all that i could for myself and for him on a daily basis with little or no sleep. Its just funny. Now the shoe is on the other foot. Its odd to see him deal with insomnia. When its been a lifetime battle for me. I'm happy thats he's gotten some rest. I'm happy that he is able to interact and live. I really am happy that he's sleeping again. I just wish the same happiness and sleep for me. I want to feel rested too.
posted by B at 12:01 AM
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