Friday

Sometimes you have to break it all down before you build it back up. Hopefully stronger than before.

I wrote that in my biloxi blog. But I think the same thing goes for relationships too. After something is damaged, sometimes you really do have to break it all down to rebuild it.

I was rereading my blog from that time. Reading letters to and from my husband. Reading his words when I was down was all that gave me hope that I was doing the right thing. Turns out he was glad I was gone. Rereading his letters to me, some were in my blog some werent. But knowing now what I didnt know then, its hard reading those words. Words of love, words of missing me, words of endearment, words of wanting to spend time with me.

Also in my blog was this note from one of my campmates down there

And as you grab your hubby tonight be grateful that you've got that stable person in your life, instead of a battered passport-- did you notice that me, austin, and michelle, your fellow game mates, are all single?

I talked about my husband a lot when i was down there. About our wedding, about our lives together, about our trips to burning man, about him, about trust and just my overall respect and admiration/infatuation of him, even after our 4+ years together. I'm sure my camp mates were probably sick of me and my talk about him. When I see them on the playa this year, they are going to ask. And I'm going to have to tell them, whats going on now.

He said he missed me lots. He said lots of things in those emails. Did he mean any of it? I may never know the answer.