Leave me Alone

With the incredibly bad also comes along to me something incredibly good. My coworkers all chipped in for a belated birthday present. They got me a 100$ visa card to use for gas money on this trip. I am overwhelmed and weepy with thier generosity and giving spirit. Right when I needed it the most. Karma indeed.

Today I held it together like a champ. Someone asks, Why are you so happy, did you get back together with your husband. I was like No, its over. He loves someone else. They went on to say well your hiding it wonderfully. Just like the worker bee that I am there.

I just read the whole card as I couldnt do it at work with out tear'ing up. They are all so awesome to me. Its right what I need in my life right now that the rest of my life is falling apart.

The pain i'm is a pain i've never felt before. Like my soul and heart being ripped out of my body. Also just the knowing he doesnt fucking care on how much he's hurting me. He stopped caring about how I felt months ago. Just like he said, any time he spends time with me was just to hurt me.

So why... why does even through out this pain, due I still feel a speck of hope for happiness together. I know its over. But fuck, why is there still this tiny glimmer of something.

I better get some dinner and get to working on finishing this dress. I leave in 4+ days.