Secret Square

Today was an odd day. I felt a lot of pain inside me today. It usually doesnt affect me that much anymore. But today was just like this death grip on my heart and soul.
I just feel bitchy and moody tonight. I was also in a lot of pain physically, my knee pain went away that I had yesterday. However, it was no so secretly replaced by some serious pain in my shoulder. So much so, i could barely turn my head to the left. Thankfully I work in a spa that have massage therapists. So I had one of them work on my shoulder. She did a number on it. But at least I can turn my head again.

I went to safeway after work tonight and I walked up my street since its quieter than 15th.

I heated up a steak burrito and am now sipping on a glass of white wine.
I started putting together a revised packing list for the playa today at work. So that kept my mind going through the slogging I do there some days.

In some ways I am very mixed on this solo trip to the playa. Sure it will be a whole new experience, but there are just so many things that are just going to eat at me mentally while i'm there. I was planning my drive and I kept trying to figure out where to stay that glenn and I havent stayed. Cause I just dont think i could ever go to those places alone. Why do I place such value on my memories with him? Cause its all I have I guess.

I cried a bit today. A song came on my ipod and I couldnt stop the tears. Crash (into me) by dave matthews. That was "our" song for a little while. I had to forward past the rest of it.

I got my birthday present from my mom today. It will pay for part of the digital camera I'm going to get myself. I figure its probably about time.

So thursday and friday is when I get to start packing for the trip. From my list I think it will be fine.

I bought lots of cheese today for the trip.

I'm a rambly mess tonight.
I'm not sure how much I slept last night. I woke around 3am thinking I hadnt slept at all. But there are times I dont know if I'm sleeping or not. I'm just so used to being awake and running songs and other sorted thoughts through my mind at night, it just falls into a zoned out'ness.

I'm going to get another haircut before I leave for the playa. Just a couple inches off.

One thing I noticed today, is without fail when I think about glenn I still get that happy emotional feeling. OK most of the time anyway. Sometimes I think about him and what he's doing, and I just lose my appetite. Speaking of which I should probably weigh again soon. People are really noticing my weight loss.

Ok more wine time.