A Break in the Clouds

Its weird when I have to start yelling at myself jumping up and down in my bedroom to "STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT"

Stop it, stop putting yourself down.
Stop it, calling yourself fat.
Stop it comparing yourself to people who have flat stomachs.
Stop thinking about it.

I know why I'm like this today, its almost that time of the month and I'm just feeling fat and moody.

Earlier today I was saying to myself, your beautiful cept for the space between your belly button and your pubic hair. This fuckin belly of mine. This belly that has had people ask me in the past when I was due.

This belly is the only thing that keeps me from feeling the way I should about myself. I've lost so much weight. SOOO much weight considering at one point I was upwards of 210 pounds. Now I'm down to a respectable 153. Still up 5 from the playa however.

Yesterday at work this "petite model" was complaining about her belly. I did all I could to keep myself from rolling my eyes at her.

Its weird I know that I'm a beautiful woman. And I know that all(most?) women have one part of thier body they dont like. I just wish this belly showed some signs of moving out. This damn roll of fat that overhangs, dangles, jiggles and shimmies.
I hate it and every month about this time I consider getting surgery to be rid of it forever.
gah. I will just keep working out and on it. Its all I can do. Maybe someday it will be flatter.

I'm still very beautiful, cept for that part between the belly button and pubic hair. I just gotta remember that.