Enid

The rush of panic still crosses my heart every time i brush anything across my left hand.

Tonight at work I was pulling some capes out of the laundry basket and I thought for sure I felt my ring slip off my hand. I felt this wave of panic and then I had to think, oh thats right I took it off.

Sitting here at my computer tonight I started tapping my left hand on a beer bottle and was wondering where the happy clink click clink click was.

I know I know.. and I know letting go is hard. But something still doesnt feel right. Something feels unfinished with us. Like we still have life to live together. I know its not going to happen right away. But I still feel like there is just something unfinished between us and I dont mean divorce either.

But I felt good today, albeit paniced and freaked that I left something behind.

Someone at work was really proud of me for taking it off. Said it took a lot of willpower to let it go. I was always so proud of that ring and what it stood for. I loved looking at it in the sun, the way it sparkled. Twirling it around my finger, and making sure it was on my finger the RIGHT way. Making sure I never wore it when handing meat, in the shower, or any time it could get lost or damaged, cept for burning man of course. Where i knew that was always a risk of losing it. But never did.

My hand just feels awkward, and foriegn to me now. Something isnt right and the rings ghosting on my finger, just keeps that little bit of paranoia circling my brain.

So in other news. I wrote to a guy on craiglist. He wrote me back and in his reply was "So will I be your first date since the separation?" I sat here puzzled and was going... first date eh?

Also in other news.. I'm so freakin horny. I'm going mad.
Ok one more beer, then its bed time. I think i may actually go to the gym tomorrow.