Hopes Up

"I Dont love you, I dont Love you, I dont love you, I dont love you..."
"Its a moot point now, seeing as we were staying together for the benefits"
"I dont want this dragged out for forever"

Some of the things that were said in our most recent and from what I understand it last battle of me trying understand why this is going on. I still dont.

Sleep was hard to come by even with two trazadone. I thought of so many things I wanted to say, but wont be allowed to. In person anyway, at least I can still say them to my blog.

I'm not even sure how we wound up in the discussion again last night.

I still feel like something between us is unfinished. And I know its not just the divorce. He says its my denial and my daily mantra of this isnt finished/this isnt over.

But i can only feel how I feel.
Fucking depression. If only we could of seen how this relationship would of turned out if I wasnt in a cloud.
I guess thats why I feel like its unfinished, for neither of us would know how we would be together when I'm not depressed.

Blah. Its all just wrong. And neither of us is willing to budge on our ideals, desires, needs, wants. And nor should we have to. Unfortunatly our ideals, desires and etc are different.

But something is still out there besides denial.