In the mood

I went to the bar. Ihad 4 cosmos.
I talked to this guy who is in a band that starts with the word Rye.
He was like I just like hearing you talk. Tell me he says, have you met anyone since moving to seattle.

I tell him technically I'm still married.
He was like someone gave you up?
Someone gave up those cheekbones?
Someone gave up that hair?

I said that someone is fuckin someone else right now. And that now was approx 1:00 so more than likely he was fucking her.
He is probably in a restful sleep with her in his arms.

I will be sleeping alone.
I also think I may be falling back into depression again. Maybe its just a post playa blues. But I just dont feel right. I dont want to go back to feeling like that again. It was ugly and unresponsive.
But most days I think to myself that I will be alone for the rest of my life or that I will never feel the love of someone again. Or that I'm to imperfect for someone to love me. And I know the only one I'm to imperfect for is sleeping on capitol hill right now.

Still, I cant understand how one be in an "open relationship" and still be "in love". Thats not love.

Or as I took a picture of at burning man this year


Still all I can think about is when just about 2 weeks ago he was holding and kissing me with passion and love. Its just all I know in my heart is his love. Blah. Its 1:40 in the morning.

I hate sleeping alone.