Rhyme & Reason
Its 4:40 am. About 20 minutes ago I got up to go to the bathroom. When I got back my damn brain filled with thoughts and words that I know I shouldnt think of at 4:40 am.
Thoughts like:
You ate to much today.
The woman your husbands in love with is a size 2-4.
She's thin, your fat.
Just the facts you know. Its not comparing myself to her. I did eat to much today, er.. well yesterday and she is thin and a size 2-4 and I'm not.
And voila... sleep stops.
I then thought about one of my coworkers whose struggling at work cause she's not getting enough clients. I thought about ways I could try to help her cause she is super nice and I just worry she's going to go somewhere else.
Then I thought about a picture that was posted of me on one of my message boards. Its a picture that was taken on tuesday, the day I'm in my lace dress, by my professional photographer friend. Its an awesome picture. And yet, I'm still not happy with how I look in it. I look great mind you. But something is still missing.
Then I thought about Glenn and I. I thought what if, what if we got back together. What if I got to move back in. When and how would I ever start trusting him again. Would the first night he stayed out late, would I be at the house in a panic that he was sleeping with someone else again. Its called pre-torture you see, i'm torturing myself now so it will be easier to do it later.
I then thought about our debt. Our entire new car worth of debt. I thought about if I was still living at home how much reduced that debt would be. My entire paychecks could of been put on that debt every month. Every month we could of sent them around 1k. That debt would of been at least 5k less than it is today. Still a new car amount, but at least it would of been a cheaper new car worth of debt.
This is why I should never go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.
Today is sunday. Last night at work we had a power outage. I still had to wash all the cups and coffee/tea pots. I washed them all by candlelight. I wonder if the power is back on.
Its 5am now. I should try to sleep. Another 1-10 shift tomorrow.
Thoughts like:
You ate to much today.
The woman your husbands in love with is a size 2-4.
She's thin, your fat.
Just the facts you know. Its not comparing myself to her. I did eat to much today, er.. well yesterday and she is thin and a size 2-4 and I'm not.
And voila... sleep stops.
I then thought about one of my coworkers whose struggling at work cause she's not getting enough clients. I thought about ways I could try to help her cause she is super nice and I just worry she's going to go somewhere else.
Then I thought about a picture that was posted of me on one of my message boards. Its a picture that was taken on tuesday, the day I'm in my lace dress, by my professional photographer friend. Its an awesome picture. And yet, I'm still not happy with how I look in it. I look great mind you. But something is still missing.
Then I thought about Glenn and I. I thought what if, what if we got back together. What if I got to move back in. When and how would I ever start trusting him again. Would the first night he stayed out late, would I be at the house in a panic that he was sleeping with someone else again. Its called pre-torture you see, i'm torturing myself now so it will be easier to do it later.
I then thought about our debt. Our entire new car worth of debt. I thought about if I was still living at home how much reduced that debt would be. My entire paychecks could of been put on that debt every month. Every month we could of sent them around 1k. That debt would of been at least 5k less than it is today. Still a new car amount, but at least it would of been a cheaper new car worth of debt.
This is why I should never go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.
Today is sunday. Last night at work we had a power outage. I still had to wash all the cups and coffee/tea pots. I washed them all by candlelight. I wonder if the power is back on.
Its 5am now. I should try to sleep. Another 1-10 shift tomorrow.
posted by B at 4:42 AM
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