Dirt
It started snowing around 8pm, an hour before i was to leave work. I had to "borrow" one of the umbrellas so I could get home with out being too covered. As my only warm jacket I have doesnt have a hood of any sort.
Someone asked me today what was on my christmas wishlist. I was like well there is only one person in my life thats going to get me anything and thats my mom. And I told her to just give me cash. She's going to say in her card, for me to get something fun. More than likely I will just use the money on a bill or groceries or something not fun, just survival.
Picked up 2 new books today from the library and I'm looking forward to reading both of them. One is called "Congratulations on your Divorce... the road to finding your happily ever after" the other is I believe to be fiction called "Back in the Game, Dating. Take two".
Back in the game. Huh.. Its a game. Funny, it certainly doesnt feel like a game. It just feels like me coming home to a cold empty apartment. An apartment that I dont want to turn the lights on cause I'm using a lot more energy with having the heat on at a whopping 60. Woke to my apartment being 54 degrees this morning. I could almost see my breath while sitting at my computer.
I'm seriously going to lose it soon. Work drama is just getting worse, and its really weighing me down. Its so hard to keep positive and happy, when everyone around you is miserable.
People ask me all the time, how much weight have you lost now. And I dont know what to tell them. I havent weighed myself in weeks, if not months. I have no idea what my current weight is. But the way I'm sucking down these pudding cups, i'm sure its staying the same. Its funny, but the pudding cups is one of the only thing thats making me happy these days.
I may have a date on friday, a lunch date, that i got via responding to a craigslist ad. But we will see if the guy actually writes me back or not. Maybe I just dont come across well via emails and messages. I'm just being myself... maybe no one understands me, maybe I dont even understand myself. All I know is that I look good now. I feel fabulous about myself. Why cant any of these guys see that? What am I doing wrong?
Tomorrow(today at the time i'm posting this) is finally friday for me.
Well, its time for me to slide myself into my cold bed and hope for my future and hope for hope. Its all I can do. I just keep living and smiling that I know its going to get better. I'm still happy, I'm sure my most recent posts havent sounded like it. But I am so happy with my life. Its not how I wanted it to go, obviously, but I'm still happy with how I feel about myself. But I just still can look at myself at the end of the day and I know I not only made people happy, but I made myself happy by just being who I am.
Someone asked me today what was on my christmas wishlist. I was like well there is only one person in my life thats going to get me anything and thats my mom. And I told her to just give me cash. She's going to say in her card, for me to get something fun. More than likely I will just use the money on a bill or groceries or something not fun, just survival.
Picked up 2 new books today from the library and I'm looking forward to reading both of them. One is called "Congratulations on your Divorce... the road to finding your happily ever after" the other is I believe to be fiction called "Back in the Game, Dating. Take two".
Back in the game. Huh.. Its a game. Funny, it certainly doesnt feel like a game. It just feels like me coming home to a cold empty apartment. An apartment that I dont want to turn the lights on cause I'm using a lot more energy with having the heat on at a whopping 60. Woke to my apartment being 54 degrees this morning. I could almost see my breath while sitting at my computer.
I'm seriously going to lose it soon. Work drama is just getting worse, and its really weighing me down. Its so hard to keep positive and happy, when everyone around you is miserable.
People ask me all the time, how much weight have you lost now. And I dont know what to tell them. I havent weighed myself in weeks, if not months. I have no idea what my current weight is. But the way I'm sucking down these pudding cups, i'm sure its staying the same. Its funny, but the pudding cups is one of the only thing thats making me happy these days.
I may have a date on friday, a lunch date, that i got via responding to a craigslist ad. But we will see if the guy actually writes me back or not. Maybe I just dont come across well via emails and messages. I'm just being myself... maybe no one understands me, maybe I dont even understand myself. All I know is that I look good now. I feel fabulous about myself. Why cant any of these guys see that? What am I doing wrong?
Tomorrow(today at the time i'm posting this) is finally friday for me.
Well, its time for me to slide myself into my cold bed and hope for my future and hope for hope. Its all I can do. I just keep living and smiling that I know its going to get better. I'm still happy, I'm sure my most recent posts havent sounded like it. But I am so happy with my life. Its not how I wanted it to go, obviously, but I'm still happy with how I feel about myself. But I just still can look at myself at the end of the day and I know I not only made people happy, but I made myself happy by just being who I am.
posted by B at 12:03 AM
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