Beautiful Girl
There are some days that I wish I never survived my depression. There are some days that I wish I was successful in various attempts of not living.
I may be a beautiful girl most days. Today I just felt ugly, unwanted, unloved and ugly.
As my friend was driving me home from burner night at a local bar, I saw glenns truck turning the corner at the intersection we were at. He's probably heading up to her place on capitol hill, to... who knows, take care of her I guess.
I just came back to my dark, quiet, messy, lonely apartment, got out a chocolate pudding and the rum and cried into it.
Today was one of the first real days that I finally felt like I've lost my best friend. He's gone, as he is someone elses best friend now. He doesnt care about me. Doesnt care if I live or die. Doesnt care if I hurt or cry. If I died tomorrow, he would probably just shrug and go sleep with the happy glow of being with one of his girlfriends.
It just hit me so hard today. That I have no one in my life right now that loves me, in that way. Oh sure I have lots of friends who love me. But I have no one that loves me. I have no best friend. I have no one to rush to my side when I'm feeling at my wits end or worse. But she does.
Beautiful girl. I'm a beautiful girl. I'm a beautiful girl who feels completly empty inside.
I may be a beautiful girl most days. Today I just felt ugly, unwanted, unloved and ugly.
As my friend was driving me home from burner night at a local bar, I saw glenns truck turning the corner at the intersection we were at. He's probably heading up to her place on capitol hill, to... who knows, take care of her I guess.
I just came back to my dark, quiet, messy, lonely apartment, got out a chocolate pudding and the rum and cried into it.
Today was one of the first real days that I finally felt like I've lost my best friend. He's gone, as he is someone elses best friend now. He doesnt care about me. Doesnt care if I live or die. Doesnt care if I hurt or cry. If I died tomorrow, he would probably just shrug and go sleep with the happy glow of being with one of his girlfriends.
It just hit me so hard today. That I have no one in my life right now that loves me, in that way. Oh sure I have lots of friends who love me. But I have no one that loves me. I have no best friend. I have no one to rush to my side when I'm feeling at my wits end or worse. But she does.
Beautiful girl. I'm a beautiful girl. I'm a beautiful girl who feels completly empty inside.
posted by B at 11:58 PM
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