The Good, The Bad, The Ugly
Went out with glenn tonight. While we normally have a good night out together, well thats not to say we didnt have a good night OUT together, its just I got all emotional like I sometimes do. And then a 3+ hour conversation on why we arent together happened.. again. Things like the same things as before, he doesnt love me, he's inlove with someone else. Why i'm doing nothing but hurting him and myself ever more.
As much as I am so over everything there are things that just bring me right back to the same facts. I'm still in love with him. I know I know I shouldnt be. I know he has done everything in his power to hurt me, to make me feel like utter shit on a shoe.
Its so odd. There are some days that I am so on top of my life, so happy with the direction everything has taken. So happy at my new life and new opportunities, and then there are some days that all i want is his love to make me feel at peace again.
There are some days that I wish this pain would just go away. There are some days that I wish I would go away.
Its weird. Just the different sides to my head these days. Some days all I want to do is love him. Other days I am like you know what, he isnt as good as I think he is. In fact there are some things about him that I overlooked and still over look because of how I feel. But if I'm honest with myself, I know I have to look past all of this. Cause I know there is someone out there much better for me. Cause I seriously cant take this pain anymore. My heart cant take it any longer. I just wish someone would show themselves to me as someone to love.
I dont want to love him. I know I have to stop loving him. I know the divorce will be final in about a month from now. And I can look at it two ways. I can look at it as the end or I can look at is as a beginning. Right now at 4am, I just dont know which way thats going to be. I know the way it has to be, its just getting me to come to grips with that what was the most important thing in my life is going to be ending. Now all I have is the most important thing in my life. Me.
As much as I am so over everything there are things that just bring me right back to the same facts. I'm still in love with him. I know I know I shouldnt be. I know he has done everything in his power to hurt me, to make me feel like utter shit on a shoe.
Its so odd. There are some days that I am so on top of my life, so happy with the direction everything has taken. So happy at my new life and new opportunities, and then there are some days that all i want is his love to make me feel at peace again.
There are some days that I wish this pain would just go away. There are some days that I wish I would go away.
Its weird. Just the different sides to my head these days. Some days all I want to do is love him. Other days I am like you know what, he isnt as good as I think he is. In fact there are some things about him that I overlooked and still over look because of how I feel. But if I'm honest with myself, I know I have to look past all of this. Cause I know there is someone out there much better for me. Cause I seriously cant take this pain anymore. My heart cant take it any longer. I just wish someone would show themselves to me as someone to love.
I dont want to love him. I know I have to stop loving him. I know the divorce will be final in about a month from now. And I can look at it two ways. I can look at it as the end or I can look at is as a beginning. Right now at 4am, I just dont know which way thats going to be. I know the way it has to be, its just getting me to come to grips with that what was the most important thing in my life is going to be ending. Now all I have is the most important thing in my life. Me.
posted by B at 3:35 AM
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