Never let Me Down Again
Somedays are so split in two. Some parts of today were so damn fabulous like me running 9 minute miles in the St. pats dash.
Other parts were just so damn sucky. The almost constant tooth pain, ear ringing and weight that never leaves my chest. I feel it mostly at night when I'm laying down and my mind is reeling about thoughts of my own life. How I screwed things up. How I continue to screw things up. But mostly thoughts about Love and my longing for something I cant have.
As well as:
I think about a possible root canal that I cant even fathom how I'm going to pay for.
I think about the medical bill that still sitting on my desk.
I think about Glenn and how when ever I see him I cant seem him as anything but my husband.
I think about how I should feel, but dont.
I think about how I should act towards him, but dont.
I think about how and why am I so strong about this feeling, but know its probably just a wasted effort.
I think about various people who said things along the lines of, I should of never waited for such and such, it was such a waste of a life. One only has so much time on this earth.
I think to much which leads me to not sleeping at night.
Tomorrow is going to be a long day. I have to go to downtown seattle way to early in the morning to take my food handlers card test. I have to be on a bus at 7:26. And hope that I pass, I never do well with mornings.
I better be asleep soon. I hope anyway.
Other parts were just so damn sucky. The almost constant tooth pain, ear ringing and weight that never leaves my chest. I feel it mostly at night when I'm laying down and my mind is reeling about thoughts of my own life. How I screwed things up. How I continue to screw things up. But mostly thoughts about Love and my longing for something I cant have.
As well as:
I think about a possible root canal that I cant even fathom how I'm going to pay for.
I think about the medical bill that still sitting on my desk.
I think about Glenn and how when ever I see him I cant seem him as anything but my husband.
I think about how I should feel, but dont.
I think about how I should act towards him, but dont.
I think about how and why am I so strong about this feeling, but know its probably just a wasted effort.
I think about various people who said things along the lines of, I should of never waited for such and such, it was such a waste of a life. One only has so much time on this earth.
I think to much which leads me to not sleeping at night.
Tomorrow is going to be a long day. I have to go to downtown seattle way to early in the morning to take my food handlers card test. I have to be on a bus at 7:26. And hope that I pass, I never do well with mornings.
I better be asleep soon. I hope anyway.
posted by B at 10:55 PM
1 Comments:
>I think about Glenn and how when ever I see him
Stop looking at him.
Stop going to the house, stop looking at pictures, stop reading his blog, stop going to the same bar, stop doing anything where you see him.
Which is not to say you'll never see him again... a wise person (Mayor Jim) once said:
"Oh, and the "time heals all wounds" thing? No it doesn't. Conversation heals the wounds. Time lets you have the conversation in some reasonable way without dragging out crappy and destructive emotions. It's probably not useful to *actually* have that conversation if you're not ready. A little venting may be decent, though. Not healing, but perhaps soothing."
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