Tribal War Babies

I swear it cracks me up sometimes when I start a post and I post what ever song title is playing at the time. This time its Gary Hoey's Tribal War Babies. What an odd title of a song.

ANyway.. moving on to more important news besides the fact that I'm still 20 pounds over weight (at least).

Work is interesting. Not sure how its all going to play out. But eh Its cool.

But the big news is I gotta move. I got a notice today that they are raising my rent and I cant afford any more than I'm paying now. So I gotta go. I looked on craigslist tonight and really didnt see anything that struck my fancy. There were some cheaper places than here but they were so far away (ie far away from important things like grocery stores, since I dont have a car, I need one within walking distance)

So I will keep looking to find a place. I have to be out before the end of june. Its going to be an interesting month. Packing and moving all before the end of june.. cause At the end of june I hope to be going to critical massive which is the seattle burning man regional event. However, having a place to live definatly takes priority over a 3-4 day camping trip.

Its 9:21 and I soon have to head to bed. As now I have to get up at 5 something in the morning to catch a 6:00am bus.
At least the oatmeal at work is good.
Fuck.. really didnt want to move yet. I was hoping to wait til after burning man to do that shit.

Anyone want to buy some of my shit? Not in shit like what I poop out mind you, I aint into that fetish stuff... but more in the figuratively sense. Maybe I will put a list up.
What a day.

I ate to much today after i got home and didnt go to the gym today. This was one of the first days that I seriously wanted to puke up everything I ate. cause I was such a pig tonight. My garbage is filled with leftover boxes from work. On the good side I havent had to buy groceries for like 2 weeks.

Bed time in 30.

You Learn

Cool Links I found today
Cool art
Addicting game
Eye makeup styles
Calorie finder
UV Tattoo's
Just a cool photo page

I have to be to work really early all this week. either at 7 or 7:30. I will not be a happy camper.

Still getting fat.

Engel

Went out with my hash group last night for happy hour. It was a fun evening.
Also yesterday I went out for a walk/run/bike ride around discovery park. It was great and I have to try to remember how much I enjoy running/biking when I'm sitting at home time and time again. Hitting f5 on various websites.

Today is one of the last days of training at my new work as a hostess at the new downtown restaurant. I'm really not sure how I feel about this new job yet. Mostly because we havent been taking in real customers yet so I havent faced the brunt of the rudeness from the general public.

We will see how that goes.

Still am chunkier than I'd like to be. But hopefully I'm getting better at eating again.

There is a hash run on monday and there may be a rogue hash run tomorrow. But they have yet to post the information for it.

Still something feels off in my head. Not as off as it was before. But still I feel like something isnt right. I am not sure what it is. I should find something else for lunch besides that canned pasta product.

Thankfully I will have a real dinner this evening. Provided by work.

Mercy Mercy Me

I'm getting fat. Again. I have to stop myself some how and I dont know how. But I know that I have to. I CANNOT get fat again. I'm already hating how I look in the mirror.

I dont know what the scale says these days. All I knows is what I see in the mirror.
I dont know whats wrong with me. I dont know why I am eating the way I am. I dont know where my self control went. I dont know where my desires went. I dont know whats going on in my head as I reach for something else to snack on.

Yesterday I went to teh store to purchase a few things. I also bought a carton of ice cream. I finished that half gallon of ice cream a few hours ago. 2000 calories worth of ice cream in less than 24 hours. Thats plus everything else I ate.

I dont know why. What the fuck am I doing to myself. Why am I doing this to myself.
Theres something wrong and I dont know what it is or how to stop it. All I want to do is eat. Its just comfort I guess but comfort for what I dont know.

I wish I knew. I wish I knew how to stop myself.
I know I have like 20 pounds to lose now til I get to around 130. I'd like to be around 130 for my birthday. I have to try. I dont know how I lost the weight before. Well after the starvation that I did right after the seperation. I lost more weight then. I cant get fat again. I like being a size 6 I really do. Why am I doing this to myself.

I'm actually scaring myself these days with the amount of food I'm putting away, its like I wont ever eat again.

Prayer

I'm not sure, but I think one exact year has gone by since I moved in this place last year.

A lot has changed, I've changed a lot.
I'm thinner thats for sure.
But mentally I'm in a lot different of a place.

And today I start a new job. I'm going to be a hostess at a downtown restaurant thats going to be opening soon. Should be an interesting experience. As to why I'm no longer at the ice cream shop? Well, after they cut my hours AND my pay, caused me to look for other work. Even quitting the ice cream shop went easily.

Still having lots of fun with my hash group. Oh and scott is back in town. I may be seeing him tonight after I get done with work.

As for Glenn. We do hang out on occasaion. I also do have to admit every once in a while I still feel a attraction to him. So even though there is still a pull at the heart, its not what it used to be.

I went on a great little run yesterday and I had to bike to get there. For the next couple months I'm going to put my gym stuff on hold. I'd rather run outside.

Since i'm switching jobs, not really sure when I'm going to get out of this damn apartment. I keep looking at craigslist for affordable options.

In the sewing front, james's coat has been on the floor for a good 2-3 weeks now. I still have a sleeve to cut out. Then still even the lining after that. I may work on it today. I dont have to be to work until 4. And it would be nice to get something closer to completion.

There hadnt been an update here for a while, so I apologize for the length of this post.

But I feel good. I'm got to get back on the dieting track again, I'm getting a little chunky again. Those size 6s are getting snuggly. But I still feel good about me and the way things are moving along.

Thank You

There are some nights that nothing satisfies me. And the only thing I want is just plain old sex.
I pissed off a almost gay man this evening. He owned more fabric and more sewing machines than me.
Gosh I want sex.
Scott is in ohio til the 15th. and unless I can find someone else. my options are limited,
My Lucky Charms got me no where.

been here

I fucking hate this Iraq war.