Mercy Mercy Me

I'm getting fat. Again. I have to stop myself some how and I dont know how. But I know that I have to. I CANNOT get fat again. I'm already hating how I look in the mirror.

I dont know what the scale says these days. All I knows is what I see in the mirror.
I dont know whats wrong with me. I dont know why I am eating the way I am. I dont know where my self control went. I dont know where my desires went. I dont know whats going on in my head as I reach for something else to snack on.

Yesterday I went to teh store to purchase a few things. I also bought a carton of ice cream. I finished that half gallon of ice cream a few hours ago. 2000 calories worth of ice cream in less than 24 hours. Thats plus everything else I ate.

I dont know why. What the fuck am I doing to myself. Why am I doing this to myself.
Theres something wrong and I dont know what it is or how to stop it. All I want to do is eat. Its just comfort I guess but comfort for what I dont know.

I wish I knew. I wish I knew how to stop myself.
I know I have like 20 pounds to lose now til I get to around 130. I'd like to be around 130 for my birthday. I have to try. I dont know how I lost the weight before. Well after the starvation that I did right after the seperation. I lost more weight then. I cant get fat again. I like being a size 6 I really do. Why am I doing this to myself.

I'm actually scaring myself these days with the amount of food I'm putting away, its like I wont ever eat again.