Terrestre/El Lado oscuro de
Things started spiraling out of control recently. Well due to the fact that I talked to a bankruptcy lawyer the other day. Since that moment I've been trying to find stability , comfort and some sense of normalcy. However all I've actually found was food, alcohol, and a even greater need for sex. ALl in the hopes that I can take my mind off my problems, one of which is laying out all over the floor. Paystubs and assorted other paperwork littered near my feet.
I used to be so diligent about record keeping. Today not so much. I'm gonna pay the price for it too. Bankruptcy, the ultimate price to pay. All for 25,000 worth of debt. Which really isnt a lot but it is when you only make 1600 a month, sometimes not even that.
I'm scared. Really scared. But there isnt any other way out.
Last night during hash happy hour I got quite messed up. Messed up so much that I texted someone that I had slept with once a long time ago (well the one person I slept with in the past 8 months). But as soon as he called me and asked me what was up I froze, and not just cause it was below freezing last night as I ducked out of the bar to take his call. Hearing his voice again, just had me flashing back to our meeting. I couldnt go through with it. I left the bar. He texted me again. With my frozen fingers i texted him back. I started walking home. The text exchange kept going. He picked me up as i was frozen and only half way home. All that was exchanged after that was some words and a hug. I told him about my need for stable and constant and he said that just wasnt his thing.
Also on my walk home I ducked into the almost closing fred meyer to warm my hands up a bit and try to get my head back on straight. I called the guy that I think that I'm seeing. But he was heading to bed cause he had to get up early this morning. It just felt weird.... we get along very well. I just wanted someone last night so bad. Someone to keep me warm and safe. And keep me out of my head for enough time so i could fall asleep.
But some sleeps are better than others. A few nights ago, I had a terrible nightmare about one of seattles downtown building came crashing down. Much like my own world around me.
In other news. I actually did a girly thing. I went to goodwill to go shopping with 2 other girls. Coworkers. It was fun. I got a 6 new shirts, purse and a new red dress. For a whopping 35$. I love being thrifty and thats the first time i had gone to goodwill for new stuff in months. See, i'm even trying to justify my spending to my own damn blog.
Its cold today, its still around 32 degrees outside. Not to much warmer in here either. Its around 55degrees in the apartment. In order to keep costs down. I'm going to a hash today, so that should be fun. Chilly but fun.
Then I get to go out with some other friends tonight, which will also be fun. I invited Brannon, I'll text or call him later see if he wants to go out tonight with us. I hope i can get him to stay at my place tonight. He lives in a basement that isnt finished, so its going to be so cold tonight. Dont want him to turn into a popsicle. Oh hell, yea i just want him with me.
Gosh it always feel so better when i write it all down.
----------------
Now playing: Blues Traveler - my_blessed_pain
via FoxyTunes
I used to be so diligent about record keeping. Today not so much. I'm gonna pay the price for it too. Bankruptcy, the ultimate price to pay. All for 25,000 worth of debt. Which really isnt a lot but it is when you only make 1600 a month, sometimes not even that.
I'm scared. Really scared. But there isnt any other way out.
Last night during hash happy hour I got quite messed up. Messed up so much that I texted someone that I had slept with once a long time ago (well the one person I slept with in the past 8 months). But as soon as he called me and asked me what was up I froze, and not just cause it was below freezing last night as I ducked out of the bar to take his call. Hearing his voice again, just had me flashing back to our meeting. I couldnt go through with it. I left the bar. He texted me again. With my frozen fingers i texted him back. I started walking home. The text exchange kept going. He picked me up as i was frozen and only half way home. All that was exchanged after that was some words and a hug. I told him about my need for stable and constant and he said that just wasnt his thing.
Also on my walk home I ducked into the almost closing fred meyer to warm my hands up a bit and try to get my head back on straight. I called the guy that I think that I'm seeing. But he was heading to bed cause he had to get up early this morning. It just felt weird.... we get along very well. I just wanted someone last night so bad. Someone to keep me warm and safe. And keep me out of my head for enough time so i could fall asleep.
But some sleeps are better than others. A few nights ago, I had a terrible nightmare about one of seattles downtown building came crashing down. Much like my own world around me.
In other news. I actually did a girly thing. I went to goodwill to go shopping with 2 other girls. Coworkers. It was fun. I got a 6 new shirts, purse and a new red dress. For a whopping 35$. I love being thrifty and thats the first time i had gone to goodwill for new stuff in months. See, i'm even trying to justify my spending to my own damn blog.
Its cold today, its still around 32 degrees outside. Not to much warmer in here either. Its around 55degrees in the apartment. In order to keep costs down. I'm going to a hash today, so that should be fun. Chilly but fun.
Then I get to go out with some other friends tonight, which will also be fun. I invited Brannon, I'll text or call him later see if he wants to go out tonight with us. I hope i can get him to stay at my place tonight. He lives in a basement that isnt finished, so its going to be so cold tonight. Dont want him to turn into a popsicle. Oh hell, yea i just want him with me.
Gosh it always feel so better when i write it all down.
----------------
Now playing: Blues Traveler - my_blessed_pain
via FoxyTunes
posted by B at 11:05 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home