Forget about Heaven
Day 1.
I didnt get on the scale. I sent out 2 resumes. I contacted a bankruptcy attorney. I sent an email to a bartending school, inquiring about enrollment. I went to the gym, Twice. I drank lots of water. I cut out a dress. I cleaned my toilet bowl. I mailed a package. I put two items up for sale on ebay. I ate better. Mostly.
I also tied my liquor shelf closed. With a pretty white ribbon even.
I said to friends, after burning man this year is when everything is going to change. It certainly did. I lost my job. I gained a lot of weight.
I had all these plans, after burning man to make my life better. Somehow, I thought that that having said job I was going to be able to make the necessary changes in my life to make it "Better".
Now without the job. My life has certainly changed. Better? That has yet to be determined. Oddly enough I'm not freaked out (to much). Am I concerned about the future. Of course. Am I worried about money. Yep. But some how I still feel at peace. I still feel hopeful about my life. I still feel that it will get better. That this job loss, is just a minor set back.
I remember running on the treadmill (before my knee injury) that I now have every possible opportunity in the world to do what ever I want to do with my life. That inspired me. For a moment. I then pondered. What do I want to do with my life. Everyone always says, do what you love. Do something that interests you. I have a variety of interests. But do I love any of them? Unfortunately that answer is no. There is no one thing that I love doing above any other. I enjoy sewing. Do I love it? No. I enjoy reading. Do I love it? No. I also enjoy, sitting on my ass and watching sci-fi on my computer all day. Do i love it? No.
Now don't get me wrong. I have some moments. When something just all comes together while sewing that just gets me down right giddy. Same with book reading, and sci-fi watching.
The question is still there for me. And the possibilities are endless. I CAN do what ever I want with my life right now. And I will. Once I give some things a try.
Tomorrow is a whole new day of that long road. How far will I get.
----------------
Now playing: Temple Of The Dog - All Night Thing
via FoxyTunes
I didnt get on the scale. I sent out 2 resumes. I contacted a bankruptcy attorney. I sent an email to a bartending school, inquiring about enrollment. I went to the gym, Twice. I drank lots of water. I cut out a dress. I cleaned my toilet bowl. I mailed a package. I put two items up for sale on ebay. I ate better. Mostly.
I also tied my liquor shelf closed. With a pretty white ribbon even.
I said to friends, after burning man this year is when everything is going to change. It certainly did. I lost my job. I gained a lot of weight.
I had all these plans, after burning man to make my life better. Somehow, I thought that that having said job I was going to be able to make the necessary changes in my life to make it "Better".
Now without the job. My life has certainly changed. Better? That has yet to be determined. Oddly enough I'm not freaked out (to much). Am I concerned about the future. Of course. Am I worried about money. Yep. But some how I still feel at peace. I still feel hopeful about my life. I still feel that it will get better. That this job loss, is just a minor set back.
I remember running on the treadmill (before my knee injury) that I now have every possible opportunity in the world to do what ever I want to do with my life. That inspired me. For a moment. I then pondered. What do I want to do with my life. Everyone always says, do what you love. Do something that interests you. I have a variety of interests. But do I love any of them? Unfortunately that answer is no. There is no one thing that I love doing above any other. I enjoy sewing. Do I love it? No. I enjoy reading. Do I love it? No. I also enjoy, sitting on my ass and watching sci-fi on my computer all day. Do i love it? No.
Now don't get me wrong. I have some moments. When something just all comes together while sewing that just gets me down right giddy. Same with book reading, and sci-fi watching.
The question is still there for me. And the possibilities are endless. I CAN do what ever I want with my life right now. And I will. Once I give some things a try.
Tomorrow is a whole new day of that long road. How far will I get.
----------------
Now playing: Temple Of The Dog - All Night Thing
via FoxyTunes
posted by B at 10:54 PM
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