Give My Love to Rose

I figured out something last night. I was laying in bed awake at 2:30 ish in them morning. I had gone to bed slightly buzzed from the hash at around 10:30pm. Anyway. I'm in a life rut. Serious life rut.

I do nothing new EVER. Sure I found hashign almost 2 years ago. That was fun and new. Not to say that I will stop hashing. I wont. But Nothing. I havent done anything new in almost 2 years.

I eat pretty much the same thigns all the time. I have been trying some new foods.
I work out.
I look for the same type of jobs.
I do the same things when i'm bored.

My house has been in a disarry for oh forever. For a while I was getting rid of stuff and that was good and healthy. But I didnt get rid of nearly enough. I still feel cramped and crowded. My mind is also cramped and crowded. And I think its the blockages and crap in my head thats keeping me from even trying somethign new.

Also about 2 years ago I bought paints from a local art store. They are still in the package. Cause I looked at them and I actually pondered for a moment. What do I paint. It was like I needed someone to tell me. "Paint this" in order to put something to paper. I was also scared that anything I did wouldnt be "good enough". Good enough for what or who, I wonder.

I've been alone now (also a rut) for 3 years? I very sporadically date. Right now I have taken myself out of the dating "pool" to get my weight back in check and also get a job.

But this life rut, I want to do something new. Just dont know what. I guess I should start by cleaning the apartment. Then maybe that will help with cleaning the mind.

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