Old Shit/New Shit

Much like the title of this post I am tired of the old shit. I am tired TIRED T.I.R.E.D. Of being alone. I'm tired of the "are you dating anyone" with my usual response. Nope and havent for oh like forever. Dating? WTF is that? I went on a date like months ago.. but it wasnt "dating" it was a date or two. I cant even comprehend what Dating plural would be like at this point.

I'm so tired of shit old shit. I want to date. I also want to be thin.Which I'm working on quite diligently. Cept for tonights artwalk. But Every day I'm at the gym burning 100's of calories for 2-3 hours a pop.

I;ve lost 6+ pounds from my HULKing 172 pounds of where I started at, this time. My goal (first goal anyway)is 130. I'm making progress.

Is one of those weird things. I want to date..I want to kiss and hold and make out.. I want someone to see my transformation from chunky to not as chunky and still find me pretty. I want love. Its been too long. Its like that thing that only other people get to think of as a possibily at this point. I've gotten to the point that I cant even consider of ever finding love again. It just seems even out of my realm of comprehension at this point.

I saw a girl friend tonight. SHe has a guy that she "see's" on a regular basis." I wonder why I cant even get that.

I need new shit.

My normal "thought" is that I will be alone forever. I'm 99% have given up hope of actually finding love again.