What Your Soul Sings

Oh yea its been a while since I've last written. Still unemployed. Still very single. Still over weight. Ok so there nothing has changed in the past year. But yet so much has gone on.

Bryon came and went. And went oddly. I do hope that in the future we can be friends. But thats up to him. But when I got back from my trip to denver and interhash, he cut off all contact. Saying things "got weird". Whatever that means.

But thats not the reason for this post.

Something is wrong in my universe. it could be the lack of employment is finally making me crack. But I'm not sure. I have a cold today so thats not really helping my mental state either.

But something is disturbing me on a deep emotional level and I ate like nuts today. I always eat when I'm upset. But the weirdest thing is I have know idea what I'm upset about.

I wish I could figure it out. I'm running out of pants that fit.

I do miss bryon. He was/(is?) a great guy. He challenged a lot of my thinking which helped me face a lot of fears in my life. And I'm very thankful for that.

I just recently started seeing this guy named Adam. Nice guy, totally cute. Totally my type, which brings up another issues.. totally my type cept for the fact that he has 3 kids. We are going to as they call it "casually date". So we both kind of know that we arent right for each other, but its fun to hang out with the other person. I think thats what that means.

I also have a date with Brian tomorrow (yea with my cold and everything, he has been warned). And I'm going to see him sing at a show at the triple door on Friday night. That should be neat.

I think part of the issues is I miss being in a relationship. Not that when bryon and I were together it was very "relationship'y" I mean hell we only saw each other 2 times a week, if that. But I did care for him and still do. He taught me a lot. Made me think.

Blah I'm all over the map here.

I feel like I need someone in my life to challenge me. To challenge my way of thinking, The way of doing things. Sure I try to challenge myself, but some how that doesnt motivate me the way a challenge from someone else does.

I was thinking earlier. What my perfect guy would be like. One that be my complete ideal. There are so many things.. that I would like. Is that perfect guy out there? Does he really exist?

I know there is something else thats causing me grief. I dont know what it is.

Well I better try to get rest.. see if i can help this cold go away... big weekend. Lots of plans I need to be healthy for.