Narc

My debit card didnt come in. So my plans to walk to the park have to be scrapped. i was going to bring a bunch of stuff from the store to snack on and a blanket and book. I may still walk to a different park, but I'll only bring water with me.

I'm fucked cause I hate using checks. I've got a whopping 20.76 left in cash. And thats gotta last me til monday now, maybe it will come in tomorrow. I hope I hope.

I had to go to the house to do some more laundry today, I forgot about all my drycleaning stuff that I just use those drycleaning sheets. I miss that house. Its strange to be surrounded by its comfortable surroundings that used to be all ours. Now its just strange and bizarre. The stuff is still the same, but theres just something odd about it all. There is a weird presense in the air or something kooky like that. I cant put a finger on it, but its just uneasy.

Which sucks, since I'm not comfortable in my shitty little apartment and I'm not comfortable in my old home anymore.

I do have to confess I so wanted to just strip and slide into his bed and just sleep the rest of the day away. But since I'm writing this here..that didnt happen. I grabbed my laundry and left.

This almost silence with him has been very odd. At times I feel so strong, healing, powerful and growing and at other times I'm still just the weepy hurting mess.

My therapist said that I have to find something to do with myself on the 4th of july since it holds so many good memories for me. She said it would be best if i was out and distracted some how so I didnt sit in my apartment all night alone. I hope I find something to do.

And crap.. I forgot to grab some allergy stuff.