The Package
For a while today I thought I was very unproductive in what I had gotten accomplished today. But then I sat back and actually thought about all the things I did do.
I went for a 6 mile walk.
I cleaned my kitchen a bit.
I watched a movie that needed to get watched.
I made plans to go out with friends later tonight
I moved some stuff around in my apartment
I hung some art.
Sure it really wasnt anything earth shattering there. But I have to remember its the little things that count. And sometimes the little things matter more than the big things.
I'm responsible for myself these days and I have to remember that. That applies to everything, not just cleaning, not just upkeep, not just my health (both physical and mental), but my happiness.
Todays accomplishments made me happy. And it was all because I made it happen to make myself happy. No one else. No one told me to do those things. No one guided/helped me when I struggled(that bookshelf was quite heavy), no one but myself.
Happiness is my own doing these days.
Like for example last night. After dinner, I could of spent the rest of my night in the cold apartment(with no internet). But, I was like you know what its early... maybe those guys I know are hanging out at the pub. They are a fun group and always welcome me with open arms when they see me come up the stairs. I hung out with them all night long. We bar hopped all over ballard and it was nothing but laughing, smiling and fun. I chose to go out and have fun instead of staying in. Thats not to say I couldnt of had fun in the apartment. I could of certainly entertained myself with a book or two. But the social butterfly inside myself directed me out. And I am very happy I went.
Its amazing, what a year will do for someone. This time last year, well this time last year I was coming home from Biloxi, but mentally, I was mentally not here. I didnt like who I was, I put myself down, I didnt have any love for myself. I had no respect for myself at all. Then one day, something all just made sense to me. And I had no reason to continue that trend. I feel great about who I am and who I'm becoming. Because I'm always changing. Everything always is changing.
Sure I may have my down moments here and there, but its not depression any longer. Its just a bad day. I'm a woman, at times a bit of a moody one. But thats all part and parcel about being alive and feeling anything and everything.
I know its going to take time to fully heal from the end of the marriage. But thats not going to stop me from going out and having fun. And some day down the line, love will meet me on the street, or the gym, or the trail, or somewhere.
Its nice to be able to sit back and reflect on where I've been, and to wonder about where I'm going.
This is going to be an interesting new year. Because I'm going to make it that way.
I went for a 6 mile walk.
I cleaned my kitchen a bit.
I watched a movie that needed to get watched.
I made plans to go out with friends later tonight
I moved some stuff around in my apartment
I hung some art.
Sure it really wasnt anything earth shattering there. But I have to remember its the little things that count. And sometimes the little things matter more than the big things.
I'm responsible for myself these days and I have to remember that. That applies to everything, not just cleaning, not just upkeep, not just my health (both physical and mental), but my happiness.
Todays accomplishments made me happy. And it was all because I made it happen to make myself happy. No one else. No one told me to do those things. No one guided/helped me when I struggled(that bookshelf was quite heavy), no one but myself.
Happiness is my own doing these days.
Like for example last night. After dinner, I could of spent the rest of my night in the cold apartment(with no internet). But, I was like you know what its early... maybe those guys I know are hanging out at the pub. They are a fun group and always welcome me with open arms when they see me come up the stairs. I hung out with them all night long. We bar hopped all over ballard and it was nothing but laughing, smiling and fun. I chose to go out and have fun instead of staying in. Thats not to say I couldnt of had fun in the apartment. I could of certainly entertained myself with a book or two. But the social butterfly inside myself directed me out. And I am very happy I went.
Its amazing, what a year will do for someone. This time last year, well this time last year I was coming home from Biloxi, but mentally, I was mentally not here. I didnt like who I was, I put myself down, I didnt have any love for myself. I had no respect for myself at all. Then one day, something all just made sense to me. And I had no reason to continue that trend. I feel great about who I am and who I'm becoming. Because I'm always changing. Everything always is changing.
Sure I may have my down moments here and there, but its not depression any longer. Its just a bad day. I'm a woman, at times a bit of a moody one. But thats all part and parcel about being alive and feeling anything and everything.
I know its going to take time to fully heal from the end of the marriage. But thats not going to stop me from going out and having fun. And some day down the line, love will meet me on the street, or the gym, or the trail, or somewhere.
Its nice to be able to sit back and reflect on where I've been, and to wonder about where I'm going.
This is going to be an interesting new year. Because I'm going to make it that way.
posted by B at 7:23 PM
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