Trippin' on a hole in a paper heart
Just got home.
From his house.
From drinks out with him
From learning he had sex with another woman. (sometime in the past two weeks)
From having sex with him anyway.
From learning that friends think we are being to "chummy".
Where does that leave me now? I dont know. He wants us to be friends. I want us to be friends.
He has already moved on.
I havent.
Nor do I think I will.
the sex was great tonight. Its times like this that I can feel, what I've always wanted to feel, well 'cept for the dagger in my heart. But at least I know what sex is supposed to feel like.
He told me he was protected when he had sex with her. I dont know much about her, cept that she was thinner than me. But at one point I got really angry and he reached out to me and I was a little .. ok a lot angry. And I may of been a rough in venting my anger... still that didnt stop him from...
What got me at the end.. what when I was realizing that I was kissing him with love and he was just kissing me. But really, what can I say, I'm still in love, he turns me on so much now. I've never had emotions like this or should i say I've not had them for long. I'm still trying to figure out how to understand them and "control" them. But when I'm around him, thats usually out the window..
HA fat bottom girls is playing now. Just like me.
I told him tonight that I predicted all this. ANd that I couldnt do anything to stop it,that I had no control to stop it.
I also told him I predicted us back together again.
fat bottom girls you make the rockin world go round.
anyway, my thoughts are a mess. My husbands slept with someone else already and he said it should of happened months ago. Oh and its a friend of a friend, so its gotta be someone from work. Oh and she is separated too.
gah. I should go to bed and try to stop thinking about it. ya like that will happen.
I just want to love him like I've always wanted to and I've never been given the chance to.
eta: one cool thing tonight is that we found 50$ on the floor of the bar and we bought our drinks and snacks that way.
From his house.
From drinks out with him
From learning he had sex with another woman. (sometime in the past two weeks)
From having sex with him anyway.
From learning that friends think we are being to "chummy".
Where does that leave me now? I dont know. He wants us to be friends. I want us to be friends.
He has already moved on.
I havent.
Nor do I think I will.
the sex was great tonight. Its times like this that I can feel, what I've always wanted to feel, well 'cept for the dagger in my heart. But at least I know what sex is supposed to feel like.
He told me he was protected when he had sex with her. I dont know much about her, cept that she was thinner than me. But at one point I got really angry and he reached out to me and I was a little .. ok a lot angry. And I may of been a rough in venting my anger... still that didnt stop him from...
What got me at the end.. what when I was realizing that I was kissing him with love and he was just kissing me. But really, what can I say, I'm still in love, he turns me on so much now. I've never had emotions like this or should i say I've not had them for long. I'm still trying to figure out how to understand them and "control" them. But when I'm around him, thats usually out the window..
HA fat bottom girls is playing now. Just like me.
I told him tonight that I predicted all this. ANd that I couldnt do anything to stop it,that I had no control to stop it.
I also told him I predicted us back together again.
fat bottom girls you make the rockin world go round.
anyway, my thoughts are a mess. My husbands slept with someone else already and he said it should of happened months ago. Oh and its a friend of a friend, so its gotta be someone from work. Oh and she is separated too.
gah. I should go to bed and try to stop thinking about it. ya like that will happen.
I just want to love him like I've always wanted to and I've never been given the chance to.
eta: one cool thing tonight is that we found 50$ on the floor of the bar and we bought our drinks and snacks that way.
posted by B at 1:55 AM
1 Comments:
"I'm still trying to figure out how to understand them and 'control' them."
That's a helluva project right there, R! And a worthy one. Takes a lot of effort and diligence and strength of character to establish boundaries and then honor them afterward. I know that mostly from the times I haven't succeeded. Pls. remember to be gentle with yourself.
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