Panic Station
ok I got to get this out of my head for its been bothing me for days.
I guess i just need to write down all the things I currently know and I guess just see them all written down to just see if it all makes sense still.
Things I know:
He met her originally in december, a coworker introduced them at the company party. He then later found her via tribe. (this may or may not be true)
She is 29, thin and a writer, with 3 cats. (therefore and obviously younger and thinner than myself).
A while back his therapist suggested he spend more time alone. He did for a while.
He also said he had stopped seeing her. During that time, I saw him often as he invited me over to watch tv, have dinner, him stopping by my place etc.
Approx a week ago we were watching tv together and he said something along the lines of that he was either having "more or stronger feelings for me" the exact wording I dont remember but it was in that vein. I asked him if this was a problem for him and he said no. We also planned to go on a hike together this friday (today as I'm writing this post, obviously not hiking)
It was either the next day or the day after, he started seeing her again. Perhaps in some sort of reestablishing his own personal boundaries and once he told me what he told me, it triggered the fear of what I represent to him. Stability, companionship, marriage, etc. My therapist had a word for it, I cant remember
This past tuesday I call him after a crappy day at work, it was also the day after he just finished a huge work project, which had him quite stressed out. (the same work project that I thought was going to affect our marriage due to his long hours at work that he needed to put in and the fact that I wouldnt be seeing him as often). We have an enjoyable evening out. I give him a hug on his corner and I ask about his statement about the "more or stronger feelings" he denies saying that or that I misheard him, or that I am just reading into the things he says or evening hearing things that he never said. Something along those lines. We proceed to argue the same point over and over again, which gets him quite irate. And him saying a slew of nasty things to me. Which i feel he was just projecting his frustration from work and his own frustrations with his feelings that he is going through.
The next day I get an email from him with an apology. I head over to the house to get the key before therapy and ask if that was a real apology. He says that it was. However, that other night he said to never believe anything he tells me.
Packing went fine and I asked if we are still friends, he said yes, but its a fine line.
I was over the house today due to having to bring some of my supplies to a friends house and needed him and the truck to get it over there. He then headed off to therapy and I havent heard from him since.
During my therapy session we discussed all of that above stuff and my therapist came up with the same reasoning that I did. I'm sure this next statement when glenn reads it is going to make him laugh but.. hell. My therapist said that he in some ways is going thru a very early midlife crisis.
And in some ways she's kind of right. A man almost approaching forty (I know not exactly midlife), who when he had his match/yahoo personal ad up said he was only 35 (he's 37), is seeing and sleeping with a 29year old woman.
I also remember in early discussions about our relationship.. glenn brought up that he didnt date very much and that he never got a chance to sleep around sort to speak. He was also quite heavier and lets be honest, geekier at that time. I know cause I saw his student ID from ASU.
So here is where I see it, he found a way out of the relationship with me. Using my depression/lack of sex drive as the original excuse. Now he is thinner, has his skin clear and is taking good care of himself and is wanting to sow his oats. Cept he had someone standing in his way. Me.
Do I think he still has feelings for me. yes
Do I think he is scared to show those feelings. yes
Yea. That feels better.
I guess i just need to write down all the things I currently know and I guess just see them all written down to just see if it all makes sense still.
Things I know:
He met her originally in december, a coworker introduced them at the company party. He then later found her via tribe. (this may or may not be true)
She is 29, thin and a writer, with 3 cats. (therefore and obviously younger and thinner than myself).
A while back his therapist suggested he spend more time alone. He did for a while.
He also said he had stopped seeing her. During that time, I saw him often as he invited me over to watch tv, have dinner, him stopping by my place etc.
Approx a week ago we were watching tv together and he said something along the lines of that he was either having "more or stronger feelings for me" the exact wording I dont remember but it was in that vein. I asked him if this was a problem for him and he said no. We also planned to go on a hike together this friday (today as I'm writing this post, obviously not hiking)
It was either the next day or the day after, he started seeing her again. Perhaps in some sort of reestablishing his own personal boundaries and once he told me what he told me, it triggered the fear of what I represent to him. Stability, companionship, marriage, etc. My therapist had a word for it, I cant remember
This past tuesday I call him after a crappy day at work, it was also the day after he just finished a huge work project, which had him quite stressed out. (the same work project that I thought was going to affect our marriage due to his long hours at work that he needed to put in and the fact that I wouldnt be seeing him as often). We have an enjoyable evening out. I give him a hug on his corner and I ask about his statement about the "more or stronger feelings" he denies saying that or that I misheard him, or that I am just reading into the things he says or evening hearing things that he never said. Something along those lines. We proceed to argue the same point over and over again, which gets him quite irate. And him saying a slew of nasty things to me. Which i feel he was just projecting his frustration from work and his own frustrations with his feelings that he is going through.
The next day I get an email from him with an apology. I head over to the house to get the key before therapy and ask if that was a real apology. He says that it was. However, that other night he said to never believe anything he tells me.
Packing went fine and I asked if we are still friends, he said yes, but its a fine line.
I was over the house today due to having to bring some of my supplies to a friends house and needed him and the truck to get it over there. He then headed off to therapy and I havent heard from him since.
During my therapy session we discussed all of that above stuff and my therapist came up with the same reasoning that I did. I'm sure this next statement when glenn reads it is going to make him laugh but.. hell. My therapist said that he in some ways is going thru a very early midlife crisis.
And in some ways she's kind of right. A man almost approaching forty (I know not exactly midlife), who when he had his match/yahoo personal ad up said he was only 35 (he's 37), is seeing and sleeping with a 29year old woman.
I also remember in early discussions about our relationship.. glenn brought up that he didnt date very much and that he never got a chance to sleep around sort to speak. He was also quite heavier and lets be honest, geekier at that time. I know cause I saw his student ID from ASU.
So here is where I see it, he found a way out of the relationship with me. Using my depression/lack of sex drive as the original excuse. Now he is thinner, has his skin clear and is taking good care of himself and is wanting to sow his oats. Cept he had someone standing in his way. Me.
Do I think he still has feelings for me. yes
Do I think he is scared to show those feelings. yes
Yea. That feels better.
posted by B at 3:47 PM
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